“Keep it Behind Closed Doors”

Dear World,
A few months back, I invited a man over to my apartment for a single night of wine and sex. He was black. Upon arrival, he asked me if I had ever slept with a person of color before. His response to my confirmation was thus:

“Good, you know what to expect then.”

It sounded like something I might write at the end of an essay or article. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me, but questions felt inappropriate at best. I felt he was attempting to both open and close the topic at the same time.

It reminded me of a [black] friend with benefits I had back in college. I distinctly remember when he first met my dorm mates. Most of them were sitting in the hallway outside my door when we arrived. I was utterly surprised to see everyone staring at my partner in crime without movement or speech. A pin hitting the floor would have broken the silence.

With my dormitory door firmly shut behind us, he asked if I had informed them of his skin color. As a white freshman in college, it never occurred to me such an announcement could be appropriate. I suppose I thought of myself as “colorblind” back then. I don’t recall him ever coming back to my dorm after that.

Does there have to be this underlying belief in the popular imagination that sex outside the boundaries of the puritan tradition is so unreal? Is interracial sex really that big of a deal? Racial tensions aside, my dorm mates were still unnerved by the concept of me having sex partners, and somehow fascinated to meet them.

I don’t even remember how it is they got involved with that part of my life anyway. Then again, I was the kid whose mom was about to die.

Everyone seems hellbent on regarding non-procreative sex outside of marriage as “inappropriate” or “unreal”. It’s as though sex that’s thought of as “necessary” has been made invisible while all other kinds of sex have been demoted to second class citizenship.

If you feel that sex is best left “behind closed doors”, then I feel sorry for you. That is exactly where I think this attitude stems from. As humans, we are meant to expel our waste just as we are meant to release our sexual energy. Sex is a biological function built into our humanity, whether you like it or not.

“Keep it behind closed doors” is only one step away from banning the behavior altogether. Now unless you actually believe that masturbation causes disease (and thus should be morally abstained from), we should let sex out of the fucking closet already.


But if this is your closet, I’m definitely coming over to get fucked in it while wearing those heels.
I admit that sex can be messy, awkward, overwhelming, and not fun. But to deny it, and by extension sexuality, altogether is not how we solve this problem. Would you only go to the bathroom in your home the rest of your life just because you got constipated one time? That’s roughly what “keep it behind closed doors” translates to in reality.

So wherever you fuck, PLEASE GOD LET IT NOT ONLY BE IN THE CLOSET! If you ask me, everyone needs to have at least one orgasm in the great of outdoors just as much as everyone needs to walk through at least one rainstorm without an umbrella.

We humans are animals…there is no shame in that.

A Frolicker of Fluidity

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