Intimacy versus Gay/Straight

Dear World,

Why do we teach sexuality in terms of one’s preferences in terms of sex? Is that really the most important part of human sexuality? Sure, everyone has a preference, but why is that considered more important than intimacy, than actual relationships one possesses?

Am I to understand the most important part of any sexual relationship is how the genitalia fit together? I understand that’s part of how humans have sex, but surely we can leave committed partners to discovering that part of their relationship on their own.

If we were to teach sexuality in terms of intimate relations, as opposed to preferences for sex, wouldn’t our relationships only benefit as a result? Consider the metaphor below…

An individual with a PhD admittedly knows much about their specific field, but very little on practical uses of such painstakingly acquired knowledge. Their identity as an expert in their chosen field serves no specific purpose; their knowledge produces little, if any, tangible results. In other words, they might have accomplished nothing despite so many years spent acquiring an exquisite level of expertise.

In my opinion, a binary approach to human sexuality has a similar result. A strict heterosexual is an expert in heterosexual relations. They have spent years honing their craft, developing an exquisite level of expertise. But what if, like the PhD candidate, they have no practical applications of such painstakingly acquired knowledge? What if their knowledge of intimate relations remains just as pitifully ignorant as it was at the beginning of their “studies”?

I am not trying to demonize the strive a person might feel toward garnering an expertise on a subject. I am simply trying to identify a fatal flaw with a binary approach to human relations. Rejecting intimate relations based on sex or gender, ultimately, only acts to worsen a person’s understanding of intimate relationships overall.

A binary strategy too easily leaves the majority of individuals perpetually stuck inside an adolescent’s understanding of intimate relationships. Many haven’t experienced the full breadth of their own humanity as a result. We human beings are social creatures; we are attracted to one another regardless of sex or gender.

My perspective means engaging in relationships you will not find sexually appealing at first. But that doesn’t make those relationships any less crucial in advancing your ability to better incorporate constructive & satisfying relationships into your life.

In short, becoming an expert with constructive & satisfying relationships (i.e. intimacy) is markedly dissimilar from becoming an expert with either hetero- or homo-sexual relations. So while I keep my natural preference in mind within my own relationships, I also hold my fluidity in equal regards.

A Frolicker of Fluidity

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