I went to a sex club a few years ago in San Francisco. The experience was below average to say the least. The establishment itself was perfectly fitting, and I did leave having released a certain amount of sexual energy. What ruined the experience, in this case, were the people.
There were tubs of condoms everywhere, yet everyone refused to use them. I actually had to sneak them into the anal experiences I had…very creepy. There seemed to be many unwritten rules as well. I think I was expected to “understand” whom had their holes lubed up and whom didn’t.
There was absolutely no talking. None. I was surprised how disturbing this part of it was to me. All the communication was non-verbal. If I was fucking someone one and another guy entered my personal bubble, it was a request to exchange spots. At least I think it was, no one gave me an explanation for the facial expressions they were giving me.
Overall, I felt quite unsafe in that sex club. What’s worse is that is was a mental unsafety while my physical safety was sound (as long as I could sneak in the condoms). The juxtaposition was frightening to say the least. I wouldn’t go again unless I were forced into it somehow.
However, my recent experiences were 1000% different. Imagine a dinner party, except you’re having sex instead of eating dinner. It’s still anonymous sex, but the environment is far smaller and more personal.
Afterward, a short period of “letting loose” occurs. Everyone spends time fully clothed with the lights on before we all go home. I can look everyone in the eye, exchange names and other pleasantries. Overall, I feel present during the entire experience.
This kind of orgy showed me how much sex is a part of human nature. Sure, it’s not for kids and should only happen under specified circumstances. Designing you own house rules is appropriate. But casual sex can be just as much a part of a conversation as words are. It’s a part of our humanity.
Now I understand how sex can be just as fulfilling in a social atmosphere as sophisticated conversations. I can embrace sexual pleasures without thinking less of myself in the process.
A Frolicker of Fluidity