I identified as strictly homosexual in high school. But I still engaged with females, with women. At times, that engagement was sexual, to one degree or another. But I chose to ignore them in favor of my homosexual relations. I was afraid of engaging heterosexually, mostly because my peers had so strongly identified me as gay to begin with.
When I play soccer, am I a soccer player or merely a person engaging in soccer play? I don’t need to identify as a soccer player to play soccer. I don’t even need to identify as a lover of sports to play soccer either. Perhaps I was in the mood for soccer that day, and nothing more.
I don’t understand why we, as humans, need to own a sexual orientation in order to engage in sexual behavior. It’s reminiscent of the fact Western society believes the human experience does not involve sexuality or sex. For example, the only sex education that is federally funded in America is abstinence.
Sexual behavior is an organic experience; it happens each and every day as we go about our lives. We do not freeze and think, now I’m going to engage in heterosexual behavior, before casually flirting with a co-worker. More often than not, it’s simply a part of the natural flow decent conversations possess.
We cannot predict where and when decent conversations happen, or who they will happen with. We cannot know whom in those conversations we will feel the most affection for…until we feel that affection in the moment. Engaging in sexual behavior is just as much a part of our lives as breathing or going to the bathroom. Whether we like it or not, it happens.
I can understand defining a preference. Typically, my sexual engagement occurs with male bodies. But that is just a preference. As a human being, I have to admit that I can engage sexually with female bodies, and with others. I have to admit that my sexual behavior doesn’t always match my conscious preference, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just sex.
Sexual behaviors don’t define us, we define them.
I don’t need to ensure my sexual behavior fits the expectations of others. I need to ensure my sexual behaviors are mutually consenting and safe. I need to ensure that I am engaging with those I find the most attractive in my life. I need to ensure that I will not give up on myself, nor on others, to engage successfully (whether it be sexual or not).
So quit being so damn hard on yourself. You don’t need to categorize a sexual behavior to get what you want and/or need from it. Consent and safety are more important, as well as the golden rule.
I’m sick and tired of watching so many people reject healthy sexual relationships due only to their insecurities (myself included). Grow up and stay fluid my friends.