A fluid sexuality is not about rejection or fear. No one should retreat from their sense of self if it is not required (note: at times it can be). I view my fluid sexuality about personally probing sexuality overall. I want to garner knowledge, whether it be anecdotal and/or scientific. Therefore, I am not rejecting the sexual identities of my past. I am simply opening myself to new experiences & perspectives.
This journey has led me to believe that the sexual identities within the sexual binary are “specialists”. A geologist, for example, is a specialist of geology. A homosexual is a specialist of homosexual relations. Specifying a single gender and/or sex identity (whether they be aligned or not) ensures available candidates have more similarities than differences. At least, that’s the premise as far as I can tell.
A fluid approach is more of a generalist strategy. It means avoiding specialization. My reasoning is that if all my significant relations are too similar, they will have less to teach me as a result. If there is less to learn, there will be fewer opportunities for growth (that’s bad).
It also forces me to constantly reconsider what it means to be open minded. Each new relationship challenges my perspective. A fluid mindset reminds me that change is constant, especially with a human being’s sense of self.
As such, I have no problem rejecting identities such as “ex-homosexual”. I am not trying to reject the concept of a “phase”. What I am rejecting is a fear of that phase. Claiming to be “ex-homosexual” implies that the phase was somehow a “mistake” or a “delusion”.
This is entirely false. Human beings grow and change over time; change is constant. As such, any phase or period of experimentation is part of the human experience. I believe it happens to everyone in some form or another.
Perhaps one could say homosexual (or whatever) relations are no longer an active interest. Perhaps one could own up to the sporadic nature their sexuality can posses. What’s wrong with naturally gravitating toward living life in a series of phases? Why is the very idea stigmatized? It indicates growth, like a seedling growing it’s first or second flower.
There are sexual relations in which I am still a seedling, so to speak. Putting energy into that seedling allows me to reconnect with my innocence, my nescience.
There is always more to be learned. I think that connects us to our inner child. I have to believe that because I just I wouldn’t feel as human otherwise. I would feel jaded and stuck in the mud.
So no, I am not an ex-homosexual. I continue to allow myself to enjoy those relations if I so wish (and hellz yea I do!) However, I’ll also begin to enjoy non-homosexual relations as I’m exposed to them as well.
Stay fluid my friends,
A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity