Sexuality & Love

Dear World,

For most people I encounter, their perception of me as a “gay male” is perfectly sufficient. However, when it comes to people I am intimate with, this perception speaks nothing to my true sense of self. I believe love and the sexual binary are not easily integrated into one another.


For example, romantic relations are emotionally stressful. Under such stress, I often question whether or not I am good enough. Emotionally, I struggle with failure. As is my responsibility, I have learned how to reduce this obstacle. Regardless, others will still be exposed to it when we become intimate. But if another gay male cannot cope with this reality, a deep relationship would be impossible.


I also prefer to live in solitude. I generally am more content alone than I am surrounded by people. That’s far more important to my sexuality than my preference in genitalia. It determines what time is most meaningful to me, and how others can become a part of it. In other words, I almost exclusively develop romantic feelings with another person when we are alone (as opposed to when that person has male genitalia).

My point is that human sexuality can be an extraordinarily personal matter. The superficiality of the sexual binary allows a person to ignore the most intimate part of their sense of self. A person’s sexuality is intertwined with how that person engages with others intimately. In other words, human sexuality and love are strongly related.
During an orgasm, the lateral orbitofrontol cortex (the seat of reason & behavioral control) shuts down; everyone loses control. An orgasm represents a full disclosure; all barriers are broken. Is that not the epitome of love?
Could love be the meaning of life? It speaks to our spiritual (i.e. where mind meets body) sense of self. I believe that if I lose the ability to love, I lose the ability to live. I intend to nurture love wherever it may appear, which is why I no longer strongly identify with the sexual binary.

When I love someone, it becomes a part of how I understand myself; I need you because I love you. I see this as universal, a crucial portion to human sexuality. Once I truly begin to love someone, I never truly stop.

If love is blind, than so too is human sexuality. Stay fluid my friends,

A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity


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