Each human being is unique. If that is a fact, then it logically follows that all relationships are also unique. Thus, it is impossible to predetermine the presence (or lack thereof) of sexual attraction in any one relationship. Sexual attraction is established through intimate relationships, whether they be with specific individuals and/or communities.
Before I had established significantly intimate relationships in my life. I hardly felt true sexual attraction whatsoever. The relationships I established were “empty” relatively speaking to the ones in my life today. Therefore, the resulting sex was also empty.
Establishing an intimate relationship, I have found, is complex. Personally, I find it difficult to separate an autonomous sense from a joint sense of self. Each intimate relationship I have managed to establish (yippee!) presented unique obstacles. This is precisely why my original gay identity failed my expectations. Meeting these unique obstacles requires a certain finesse “homosexuality” lacks.
Assuming all gay men experience sexual attraction similarly proved futile, as does assuming all gay men have chemistry. Limiting my sexual expression only to gay men left me without opportunities. Identifying as gay appeared to require I sacrifice the passion & energy which drives my life forward. Obviously, this is thoroughly unacceptable.
I spent years searching for an alternative. I went through a myriad of sexual labels, each transforming my understanding of intimate relationships. Ultimately, I realized that the one common theme to all sexualities was the need to build satisfying & constructive relationships.
I believe the best strategy to do this is to treat each relationship as if it were unique. Coming full circle, this had real meaning to me. It gave me results I had never seen before. As such, it became the core to my sexuality.
Human sexuality, from my perspective, centers on a person’s ability to surmount interpersonal obstacles in order to discover the meaning within intimate relationships. I believe a fluid identity takes this concept into account, whereas a stagnant one does not.
Thus, I typically do not ask for the label a person employs to describe their sexuality. Instead, I attempt to discover whether or not they are stagnant or fluid in nature. A person who is “stuck in the mud” will not survive the many hardships life presents.
Regardless of the procedure, I always want to propel myself forward. It is the only way I know how to live my life. This is why I describe my sexuality as fluid. It directly conveys that concept alone, which [in my opinion] is the most important.
Sexual fluidity may resemble vapor, but it is infallible. It permits deeper relationships between any two individuals, provided they are safe & consensual. Thus, I can now focus on meaningful relationships, rather than homosexual ones. If any one of them becomes sufficiently intimate, I believe a courtship can follow.”I’ve heard her called a quitter for leaving, an aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition; beyond definition; beyond the image.” ~Betty Warren, Mona Lisa Smile
A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity