I do not believe that my view of sexuality is the only view. I understand that other people think differently. I also understand that my beliefs today may not necessarily be my beliefs tomorrow. In my life right now, I identify as sexually fluid. But I reserve myself the right to change my sexuality in the future [if that is what I will want]. If I begin to feel “gay” rather than “sexually fluid”, than that is who I will be. But I do not know how I am going to feel tomorrow, or the day after that.
All I know is how I feel right now. Capitalism often forces us to focus on the past or the future. Our jobs and bills distract us from the present moment, which is where I think our humanity exists. Obviously, it’s important to know if our bills are paid, and to keep ourselves employed. But our feelings are just as important. I believe that humans feel primarily in the present. We have feelings associated with past and future events of course. But I still think we feel them in the present.
I can tell you my feelings are an important part of my sexual identity. This is why I cannot know if I will feel sexually about a person until that moment arrives. I need an emotional connection in order to develop an attraction to a person in the first place. As such, my sexuality lives in the present moment.
As different people enter and exit my life, my sexuality continuously evolves. Due to this, how I feel about different kinds of genitalia evolves with it. So, fluid means that my sexual identity can never be fully identified. It lives in the present, just like I do.
Remember how a physicist can never know both the speed & location of an electron at the same time? My sexuality is the same; living in the present means constantly learning new things about my sexuality. I identify this consistent & partial lack of knowledge as “fluid”. The term represents the fact that I can only know so much about myself at any one point in time.
Life is like a painting we never finish until we reach our deathbed. We may never actually see the finished product, but our paintings are beautiful just the same.
A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity