Pornography & Masturbation (part 2)

Dear World,
So what’s your pattern? We all have one when it comes to masturbating. You know those times when you have work in half an hour, but you’ve got a huge boner that just won’t quit? You run over to the computer and go to your favorite porn site, or you pull out a dvd, or maybe you start making out with your pillow. Hell, I’m not going to judge. We all have our quirks.
Recently I started to consider what kind of impact masturbating only to pornography has on sexuality. So I decided to establish two differences to my routine. First of all, watch pornography without masturbating. Second of all, masturbate without pornographic stimulation. So what did I learn?
As pornography never interacts directly with it’s audience. the sexual interaction within it loses personal value. Every time you log on, it’s a different model. Without personal value, sex is not an intimate exchange between partners. How is a sexual relationship different from a platonic relationship? What meaning does a sexual interaction add to one’s life? If sexual stimulation has no personal meaning, how could it have personal meaning to a partner? Thus, sexual interactions can become a mimicking of pornography.
I’m not saying this makes pornography evil. I’m just pointing to the role it has to play. The focus of pornography is a societal one, kind of like cable television. As such, I believe it’s healthy to masturbate regularly without pornographic stimulation. It allows one to reestablish a personal connection to sexual stimulation. In my experience, this is something pornography is not as good at doing.
Masturbating to pornography can build an expectation of one-sided stimulation. The viewer only accumulates an experience of being digitally stimulated. What about the experience of stimulating someone else? What about the experience of direct interaction? When I began to masturbate without pornographic stimulation on a regular basis, I came to recognize masturbation for the role it has to play. I believe pornography can have the impact of hiding that role.
At first, masturbating without pornographic stimulation made me feel awkward and desperate. It made me realize I did not want to interact with my own body. As I continued the activity despite my misgivings, I gradually became aware of the physicality of my sexuality. I began to explore my body in different ways and found new techniques. Masturbating has become far more satisfying as a result.
I also became aware of the mentality of my sexuality. How I felt about my body became more apparent. As pornography shifts the focus away from our bodies, it also shifts the focus away from our emotions. Temporarily removing pornography as an option forced me to face my feelings. As I made peace with them, it became easier to think physically. I found a direct relationship between my emotions and my orgasms, a relationship I can now revel in. Engaging with orgasms mentally, as well as physically, changes the experience entirely.
As it turns out, changing my masturbatory habits changed my sexuality overall. Changing the routine while my feelings remained the same was shocking. I think my sexuality changed as a result because there is an intimate connection between how we feel and how we masturbate. Thus, how we masturbate matters because how we feel matters. When it comes to sexuality, how pornography and masturbation make us feel matters. It matters a lot.
A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity

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