The First Obstacle

Dear World,
So my name is Aaron and I am mystified by sexuality. All of that is well and good, but what is sexual fluidity? I doubt most Americans have ever heard of the concept, but we can change that. TEAMWORK! We can learn more about sexual fluidity by learning why people don’t use it to begin with.

Sexual fluidity has obstacles before it can help develop a solid sexual identity. Many wouldn’t understand if you said your sexual orientation was fluid. This brings us to the first obstacle; fear of the unknown. When others do not understand your sexuality, they simply don’t interact with you sexually. Such a restriction (i.e. not having access to sexual interactions) can create a self identity that is dull and depressing. Being sexually cut off from your peers is a fear I understand because I’ve felt that way much of my life.

Allow me to explain.

In my first post, I mentioned the best way to begin a relationship is with the similarities, or the “common ground”. I introduced this concept as being a joining of similar elements between each person’s own list of wants & needs. It can be difficult to discover what ones list is composed of while in a romantic and/or sexual relationship. This is why  I believe the healthiest relationships start with individuals as opposed to couples. It took me years to come to this realization because I was afraid of being single. I was also afraid of identifying as anything other than gay.

There are times in our lives when we realize the thing that would make us happy would make a lot of other people unhappy. For me, I ignored the questions I had about my sexuality because I knew others wouldn’t want me to ask those questions. I was inflicting pain upon myself by considering other peoples’ wants & needs over my own. I also was not working to develop an understanding of my own list of wants & needs because I was so overly focused on the people around me. This is part of the reason why I had difficulty forming close and intimate relationships to begin with. I needed to spend time understanding my relationship with myself before I could develop relationships with other people.

We enter and leave this world alone. It would be wise to then make the crucial decisions of our lives from that perspective. The perspective of who we are when we are alone. I believe the journey to understand and to accept our sexualities begins with this perspective. It’s what led me to pansexuality and sexual fluidity in the first place!

What I love the most about sexual fluidity is its ambiguity. As most do not understand the concept, it forces an individual to approach sexuality free from societal pressures and taboos. Regulated terms in society (gay, straight, bi, etc.) carry these, as well as stereotypes and connotations, with them. This can severely restrict the freedom an individual needs when first constructing their sexuality. Not being nearly as regulated as other phrases, sexual fluidity allows this freedom for the individual.

This is the freedom I found when I first left my former homosexual identity and ventured forth into sexual fluidity. It allowed me to look at the difficulty I had in developing close & intimate relationships in a different light. It gave me the opportunity to focus less on others and focus more on myself.

So how do we overcome the fear of the unknown when it comes to sexual fluidity? I see part of this fear as a fear of ourselves. Everyone knows that human nature (as well as nature itself) is not as simple as a binary is. The sexual binary leaves many questions we all have about ourselves unanswered. Part of what makes sexual fluidity so scary to so many is the fact that it forces individuals to face those very questions left unanswered.

Another way of saying this is that it forces us study the list of wants & needs we have as individuals. It also forces us to develop an understanding of which issues are non-negotiable in relationships and which issues are. Developing a deeper understanding of relationships is really scary because it means up-rooting all the previous boundaries we have and developing new ones. This is exactly what sexual fluidity does.

However, the payoff can be quite astounding. At least it has been for me.

But what if you DO know what you want and need? How do you interact with others sexually if they don’t know what “sexually fluid” means? My response is that you don’t actually need a label to interact with others. I’ll say that I grew up preferring males, which is technically true. Otherwise if anyone wants to sleep with me, they’ll just have to see if their seductive enough to reach that destination! With the opinion I have about sex, I would say I’m game!
I say life is a journey. As such, why not enjoy the unimportant parts? Besides, whoever didn’t enjoy a nice challenge anyway?

A Frolicker of Sexual Fluidity

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